i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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