I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
