Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
