i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
