he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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