my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
