So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
