What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
