if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He better not be in your backpack
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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