I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you would pick up someone in the library
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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