I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
