you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
