idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
