Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You smell like stripper and shame
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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