i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
