no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
