I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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