I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
