My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
