listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
