im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just googled if crying burns calories
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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