Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
