take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
