I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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