this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
