as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
