she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
