Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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