Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
