1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude. I can hear the air.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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