i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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