mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
