So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
