I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
