How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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