fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
