maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
