U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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