and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
