On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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