yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
