im about as happy as oj after his trial
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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