I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you win again, gameday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
