no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
