ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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