I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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