Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
