Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
