Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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