I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
