There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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