so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
