Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
