I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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