Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
