saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
