Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize