i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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