Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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