Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
