And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
