How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
