Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to sanitize my soul.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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