Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
