So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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