I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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