I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
