After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
