I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
