Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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