Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
