I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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